Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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