Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's the barista slut.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
