I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
