What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
