that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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