I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
