talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
