can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
