11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
