my soul wont recognize me after tonight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
