Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
