So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
