Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
