i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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