she looked like the before picture.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
