You really coming over, don't trick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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