You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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