I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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