remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
