? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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