don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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