Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
