i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
