sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
