There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
