Pants 0. Shit 1.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
