my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
