it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
