she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
