That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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