She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
