I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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