is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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