Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
