The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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