He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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