i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
