Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
