I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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