There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
