her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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