So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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