Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
