just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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