I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
