I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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