I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
