Swine flu. Run for my life!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
