Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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