Your face is a jimmy john
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
