the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He shit in the fireplace
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
