my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
