We won't sleep together?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
