mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
