I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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